did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
