Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
