I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
