Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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