I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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