But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
