"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
