i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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