"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
