You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
