i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just found puke in my bra..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
