i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
