I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize