I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
