1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
