Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
