So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
