they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
