1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize