I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
