So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
