what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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