he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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