Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
