Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize