well you can't waste a boner
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
