from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
