You can't motorboat a personality
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
