I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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