why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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