The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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