he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
