is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
