I think my fart just growled at me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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