Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
