I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize