STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
