my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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