I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I love having hate sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize