I am puke
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize