Swine flu. Run for my life!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize