She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
