I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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