I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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