The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize