Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize