Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
