you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The air taste purple.
Randomize
