This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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