he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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