she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need a beard to bite.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
