I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
