He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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