I love black thongs
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
