Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
