you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
