sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
