And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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