East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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