i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
