my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
