a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
