Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
