I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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