tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize