did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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