i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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