I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
farters have to be the big spoon...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
