I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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