i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
