so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
