The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
