I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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