But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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