That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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