Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
