idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
