Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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