youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
