I can tuck mytits in my pants
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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