walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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