This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
