When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
